I Used to Rule the World
by ChoCedric
Summary: A story of wistfulness and nostalgia as Sirius Black sits in the Forbidden Forest, reminiscing about the days of the past. Set the year he escaped Azkaban, and inspired by Coldplay's amazing song, Viva La Vida.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's note: This fic was inspired by the amazing song by Coldplay entitled Viva La Vida. Whenever I hear it, I feel so nostalgic for the days of the past, you have no idea. It's the absolute perfect song for Sirius! Well done Coldplay!

This was also inspired by a fic on my favorites list called Let the Moon Shine Ne'er So Bright. I love everything about that story and it inspired me, as well as the Coldplay song, to write this.

I Used to Rule the World

BY: ChoCedric

A huge, bearlike black dog sat under a tree in the Forbidden Forest, silently contemplating. If any human would have spotted it, they would have found it extremely odd when they saw the look upon its face. Its tail was down, as if sad, and only wagged slightly every now and then. Its eyes were the deepest gray, holding in a gigantic well of emotion.

Indeed, this was no ordinary dog. Sirius Black, in his Animagus form, had been sitting beneath this tree for hours, letting thoughts and emotions wash over him in waves. This was the first time, the first time since he'd escaped Azkaban, that he'd allowed himself to think like this.

As the minutes went by, scenes from what seemed like another lifetime drifted through Sirius's head. He heard Peter's squeaky voice, Remus's mellow tones, but above all, James's laughter. And that sound alone made him want to look up to the sky and howl a mournful lament, because Merlin, he missed that sound so much!

For the past twelve years, Sirius had suffered with constant thoughts of if only, if only, if only, if only, if only. If only he hadn't made Peter Secret Keeper, if only he'd checked on the Potters five minutes earlier on that cursed Halloween night, if only ... He knew it wasn't healthy to dwell like that, but what else could he do, lying on his tiny, miserable cot in his cold, barren cell, listening to the screams and sobs of the other prisoners?

He'd also cursed everyone he could think of: his mother, his father, Regulus, Narcissa, Bellatrix ... but especially Peter. Oh, that filthy rat, he had ruined everything! Sirius was furious that he had been fooled, that he hadn't been able to get his hands on the vermin that had taken away the best friend he had ever had, one of the only people to truly understand him.

But what made Sirius's guilt churn inside of him especially strongly was the fact that on his worst days, on the days when he'd felt like there was nothing to live for anymore, he'd cursed James himself. How dare he leave him to face this world alone! He had beaten the odds three times, miraculously survived Voldemort's attack three times, so why not now? James had let him down ... why hadn't he continued to be a miracle? "James Potter" and "dead" were not supposed to be in the same sentence. James Potter was not supposed to be a corpse! He had promised Sirius, promised that things would be okay, that he would always be there for him. Sirius remembered many days where he had looked out into the nothingness of Azkaban and screamed, "You stupid git James, you trusting fool, you weren't okay, now were you? YOU DIED, DAMMIT! YOU DIED!"

Every time Sirius had come out of one of these bouts of anger towards James, though, he had felt doubly terrible. How could he possibly blame James for thinking he was immortal? Because in truth, Sirius had been the same way, and so had the others – the Marauders had thought they were invincible. Nothing could go wrong as long as they were together, and they could get through anything. They could keep beating the odds, over and over and over again.

But as Sirius sat here now, surrounded by trees and reminiscing on old times, he knew that this had never been true. James, who had seemed like a living human miracle, had been just as mortal as any other man. Peter, for some reason, had been swayed to the dark side. And Remus ... dear, sweet Remus ... oh, how badly Sirius had misjudged him!

And the worst thing was, Sirius knew that no matter how many times he thought of if only's, nothing could ever change the past. And he also knew that because of this, he'd never forgive himself, and honestly, he didn't deserve to. He also wondered whether James would ever forgive him for his worst days, for screaming at him and blaming him for dying. Because God, it had been Sirius's fault, not his!

I really did once rule the world, didn't I? Sirius thought wistfully as he lay down beneath the tree, exhaustion sweeping over him. But the world came crashing down, because someone like me wasn't supposed to think I was in charge. James, I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault you died. Lily, I'm sorry too. Remus, I don't blame you if you hate me for the rest of eternity. Peter, I do truly hate you. Harry ... I know I can never make this up to you, but Merlin, I'll protect you if it's the last thing I do.

He then looked up at the sky, at the full moon shining up at him. Full moon. A feeling of wistfulness and nostalgia came over him so strongly that he couldn't help but let out a loud, mournful howl, which echoed on and on into the night. He missed his friends so much, his heart felt as though it was about to rip itself in two.

Finally, Sirius had worn himself out. Settling down into the grass, the huge dog closed his deep gray eyes, and moments later, he was asleep. But he didn't let himself succumb without thinking one last time of his dearest friends, and the last image to cross his weary mind was James's face, smiling mischievously at him as they planned another adventure.

I'll never forget you, prongs.


End file.
